I Confess That I Have Sinned…

It seems that of late, God is determined to make of me what He wills, and the process can be rather painful. I spent last night crying because I had hurt someone with a stray comment. My comment was nice to someone who was mean to them, and could be seen as encouragement for it. Besides wounding one of God’s precious creatures, I destroyed months of build up in dialogue and mutual respect. My retarded notions that anything I can say would help anyone came crashing down over my head. Why such a big reaction to what may seem to others like a tiny incident? Because I actually care. I care how what I say affects people.

In my last blog post, I said “We never know the effect our words may have on others.” This is true in the negative sense as well, and I was not careful enough. The most painful part for me is the realization that although what we say can affect others negatively, I can never say something so that I affect someone in a good way. If anything I do helps another, it is not my work, it is God’s work alone. Sinful creature that I am, it’s a miracle if God chooses to use me for His work, but I must never presume to do such a thing under my own power. This is my pride crumbling from under me.

This past week, I also had an encounter with a rather hostile group of people. They praise learning, intelligence, and academia. With the thin excuse that maybe my academic achievements might qualify me to be heard by them, I took the opportunity to flaunt what I have always been proud of. I was force fed my pride back to me on a platter. It’s a hard thing to swallow.

I don’t know if I have the heart to continue in a work that I know myself to be claiming for my own rather than God’s. Perhaps I should take time off from blogging this Lent. I know I should skip the rest on my reading list and go straight to Come Be My Light. Mother Teresa seemed painfully aware every step of the way that she could do nothing, that only God could work through her. It’s a good lesson for me to learn.

So I ask everyone to pray for me. Please pray that God may utterly destroy this pride I cling to and instead turn my heart to Him alone. Pray that He will check me when I could hurt one of His precious creatures and lead me instead in brotherly love.

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10 Responses to I Confess That I Have Sinned…

  1. Lenetta says:

    Oh, Stacey, my heart aches for you. I will most certainly continue to keep you in my prayers. As for this hurt you’re feeling, I pray that you are able to give it to God – when it is so deep, He is the only one who can take it away. Remember that our sufferings may be united with those of Christ! While I hope you don’t carry this burden through all of Lent, I do pray that the Resurrection on Easter morning contains some extra-extra special hope for you.

  2. tap says:

    I know its not in your nature to be feisty and aggressive, i understand why you feel bad, b/c you feel like you hurt someone. Don’t let it get to you. If they are not big enough to handle what they dish out time after time, then its their problem. Don’t know how long you’ve been online but these guys have been doing much worse for a while, just ask Dave Armstrong.

    Chances are no arguments, no matter how politely you put them are going to work, for reasons i do not want to elaborate on now given the ‘penitential’ nature of your post.

    Anyway if you want to place to interact without having to deal with all this hoopla, join CHNI boards (full disclosure, i do not post there, i only lurk)

    http://www.chnetwork.org/forums/

    Again don’t let it get to you.

    Prayers……

  3. tap says:

    I know its not in your nature to be feisty and aggressive, i understand why you feel bad, b/c you feel like you hurt someone. Don’t let it get to you. If they are not big enough to handle what they dish out time after time, then its their problem. Don’t know how long you’ve been online but these guys have been doing much worse for a while, just ask Dave Armstrong.

    Chances are no arguments, no matter how politely you put them are going to work, for reasons i do not want to elaborate on now given the ‘penitential’ nature of your post.

    Anyway if you want to place to interact without having to deal with all this hoopla, join CHNI boards (full disclosure, i do not post there, i only lurk)

    http://www.chnetwork.org/forums/

    Again don’t let it get to you.

    Prayers……

  4. Stacey says:

    tap,

    May I have your email address? You can delete it right after, since I’ll get an email with it.

    Lenetta,

    Thanks for your prayers 🙂

  5. Carrie says:

    Hi Stacey,

    I see you mentioned at BA that you will no longer be commenting there. Any particular reason you would like to share?

  6. Carrie says:

    Hi Stacey,

    I see you mentioned at BA that you will no longer be commenting there. Any particular reason you would like to share?

  7. Stacey says:

    Carrie,

    You can ask James for the particulars if you like, and let him know its alright with me if he shares that. My own sarcastic nature gets the better of me.

  8. Irenaeus says:

    Hang in there, friend.

  9. Thos says:

    Dear Stacey,

    Peace to you, my sister in Christ. I am on a similar path, and had a similar experience on Beggars All about two years ago, or maybe a little less. Sparing too many details, when my arguments challenged the consensus there, I was told that my presbyters should probably be excommunicating me, and that if I went to a Reformed Baptist church, I definitely would be. That did about as much as anything to confirm (reinforce) me on the intellectual path I was on.

    Peace in Christ,
    Tom

  10. James Swan says:

    Sparing too many details, when my arguments challenged the consensus there, I was told that my presbyters should probably be excommunicating me, and that if I went to a Reformed Baptist church, I definitely would be.

    Thos,

    I don’t recall you, nor am I Reformed Baptist, so I highly doubt I would posit what would happen if you went to a Reformed Baptist church. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever attended a Sunday Reformed Baptist service. If I said this, I’d be interested in reviewing it to recall it. I guess depending on the context, I could have said it, but I don’t recall it at all.

    On the other hand, I don’t control every stray comment on the blog, so if someone else said it to you, at least keep in mind, the person who runs the blog probably did not.

    If you posted comments in a civl manner, your comments are probably still there. I shut down comments or delete them only when personal attacks and insults are in the comments, either toward me, or my other bloggers, or my other friends.

    Regards,
    James

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